As If ...Oy Vey Crudité Cooking Apron

For the effortlessly elegant home cook who wouldn’t dare spiral a zucchini on camera.

The As If. apron is made for people who value taste — and not just the edible kind. With our signature script across the chest and the quiet despair of “Oy vey, crudité.” beneath it, this apron says, “Yes, I’m in the kitchen. No, I’m not building a brand.”

It’s crisp, functional, and just judgmental enough to wear while you arrange snacks that don’t need a cinematic close-up.

Whether you’re barely roasting a root vegetable or assembling a cheese plate with unmeasured chaos, this apron keeps your outfit clean and your standards cleaner.

Perfect for:

• Pretending to be impressed by raw cauliflower

• Cooking for friends, not followers

• Protecting your cashmere from culinary mediocrity

• 	One size
  Length, in	31.50
  Width, in	25.59
  Side seam length, in	23.62
  Collar width, in	10.63
  Neck strap length, in	20.47
  Waist strap length (each), in	37.40

   

Product features
- 100% polyester canvas for softness and comfort
- Secure tie-back closure for a comfortable fit
- Stain-free design keeps clothes clean
- Available in vibrant colors for a fun look
- One size (31.5" x 25.6") fits most users

Care instructions
- Do not dryclean
- Do not iron
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Non-chlorine: bleach as needed
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), gentle cycle